Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
barbara walters just said penis...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
