the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
