i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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