I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
