I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize