I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
