So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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