and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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