Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
