im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
