ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
