I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize