get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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