She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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