Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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