I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
