well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
