i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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