how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
