She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My life is pants optional.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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