I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
