I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
