i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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