i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
