Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
