The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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