420 ftw
one two three fourrrrnication!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
