i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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