I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
