i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
