is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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