i will never coherently bang her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
