Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
