evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
