I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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