I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
