Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Farmville is her only friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
