Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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