I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize