So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
