Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
God, I missed his penis.
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