This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
