so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
