you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
