did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm like, not good at living.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
