I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
