her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
