the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
if only i could text you this smell
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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