HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
