We had to coat check the pizza.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
