Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
