My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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