My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
