You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
