Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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