is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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