My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
