Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
