I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
