so that wasnt chicken after all
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
