i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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